Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
