Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
