Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
