I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
