Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize