how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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