so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
