She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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