so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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