he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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