it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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