That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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