theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
