thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
