There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
