You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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