some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize