Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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