She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
