well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
