what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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