Kiss
Puke
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
