I heard we made out
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
