I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
