i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
