What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
