I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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