Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
