You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
