Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
