hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
