Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
