Who did Billy Mays play for?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
