and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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