I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
