he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
