she was so not down for the gang bang
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
