I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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