Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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