I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
