Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
