now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
