but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
