Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
