So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
