think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
