I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
