Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
