Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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