This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
