All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
