You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
