i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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