My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
