so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
