Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
