I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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