she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
