It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My life is pants optional.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
