someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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