This is not my ceiling
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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