a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
