I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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