They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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