it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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