Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
