there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
