chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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