Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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