you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
birth control should be required to get into college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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