I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think I am morally bankrupt
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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