i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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