You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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